Yes, many expats in the Netherlands have faced a similar combination of burnout, a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP), and relationship strain. Your situation is serious but manageable if you prioritize your health and legal rights first. The key is to separate the emotional overwhelm from practical steps you can take right now.
First, address your burnout and health immediately. In the Netherlands, your GP (huisarts) is the entry point. They can provide a referral for psychological support, prescribe rest, and even issue a sick note (ziekmelding). If you are too sick to work, you are legally protected. Do not push through. Your employer cannot fire you while you are on sick leave, and a PIP is typically paused during medical leave. This gives you breathing room to recover and seek advice.
Second, understand your legal position as a highly skilled migrant. Your residence permit is tied to your job, but if you lose it, you usually have a 3-month search period to find a new sponsor. If you are on sick leave, that clock does not start until you are fit to work again. Contact a legal aid service or an immigration lawyer for a low-cost consultation. The Juridisch Loket offers free advice for lower incomes, and many expat-focused law firms provide a first session at a fixed fee.
Third, manage the relationship issues. Stress at work often spills into personal life. Couples therapy is widely available in English through private practices or online platforms like OpenUp or iPractice. Many health insurance policies cover a few sessions. Communicate openly with your partner about needing space or support. If the relationship is causing additional strain, consider a temporary separation of concerns: focus on your health first, then rebuild your partnership.
Practical next steps: 1) Call your GP tomorrow and explain your burnout and stress symptoms. 2) Notify your manager and HR in writing that you are taking sick leave due to medical reasons. 3) Stop engaging with the PIP process until you are cleared by a doctor. 4) Book a consultation with an employment lawyer or the Juridisch Loket to understand your severance rights. 5) Set a daily routine that includes rest, light exercise, and social connection outside of work.
Honest tradeoffs: Taking sick leave may strain your relationship with your employer, but your health is more important than any job. Leaving the Netherlands is an option if you cannot find a new sponsor, but many people do find new roles within the 3-month window. The Dutch labor market for skilled migrants is strong, especially in tech. You are not alone, and there are clear paths forward even when everything feels overwhelming.