Yes, many heritage language learners feel a strong pressure to learn their family's language to pass it down, but this is a personal choice with no single right answer. Your frustration and sadness are completely valid, and deciding whether to learn Arabic or Dinka now depends on your goals, resources, and emotional readiness rather than obligation. You are not alone in this dilemma, and moving on without repeating the pressure is also a reasonable path.

First, acknowledge that the lack of teaching was not your fault. Many immigrant families prioritize assimilation or face time constraints, and children often absorb this gap without blame. If you want to learn now, start by defining your motivation: is it to connect with relatives, understand cultural media, or simply feel more whole? Each goal suggests a different approach. For example, if you want basic conversations, focus on spoken phrases rather than formal grammar. Use free resources like YouTube channels, language exchange apps (e.g., Tandem or HelloTalk), or community classes at local cultural centers. Be honest about time: consistent 15-minute daily practice is more effective than sporadic hours.

Tradeoffs exist. Learning as an adult is harder than childhood acquisition, and you may never reach native fluency. However, partial knowledge still builds connection. If you decide not to learn, you can still pass on cultural values through food, stories, or traditions without the language. For future kids, consider whether you want to learn alongside them or hire a tutor. Some parents choose to learn basic phrases to model effort, then enroll children in heritage programs. There is no shame in choosing not to pass it down if it feels like a burden.

Concrete next steps: 1) Write down your emotional reasons for learning or not learning. 2) Try one free resource for two weeks, like a Dinka YouTube series or Arabic beginner podcast. 3) Talk to a family member about their language experience. 4) Decide on a small goal, like learning 50 words or ordering food in Arabic. 5) Reassess after three months. Remember, your identity is not solely defined by language. Many heritage speakers feel pressure but find peace in honoring their background through other means. The key is to act from choice, not guilt.